


The Break Up

by icecreamchick45



Series: My Glee-Write (Get It, Like Re-Write) [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bi Sam Evans, Break Up, Feud, Fluff, For Stuff I Haven't Written Yet, Foreshadowing, Friendship, Fun, Gen, Glee Club - Freeform, Re-write of show, Shitstorm of Consequences, Totally different than show's version of Tartie breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13188333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamchick45/pseuds/icecreamchick45
Summary: Tina and Artie break up in a mutual way and then decide that would be too simple. Chaos ensues from one simple joke.





	The Break Up

**Author's Note:**

> The show's version of the Tardie breakup was the first thing about season two that made me physically angry. Was there any indication from season one that Tina was dissatisfied with Artie? Was there any build up to that? Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Tike, I just wish I had gotten a satisfying conclusion to Tardie. And what better way than by playing a prank on all your friends. :) Make sure to give me feedback and suggestions on what I should write next. PS my Blaine is different than canon Blaine. My Blaine is a mix between canon Blaine and SIMGM's Gleedo Blaine. If you haven't seen their spoofs or Gleedos HIGHLY recommend. If you have no interest in looking them up, I just made Blaine's backstory different and he's slightly angstier. Still highly in love with Kurt though.

*So, here’s what you missed on Glee-Write. Kurt started dating Blaine, which Sam was none too happy about. Sam came out as Bi, and everyone was super supportive, except for Blaine who felt like the timing might have something to do with the fact that Klaine just got together which is only kinda true. Tina and Artie have been having problems in their relationship, which is totally weird because they are the best of friends. Brittana is together and cute and happy though. Finn and Rachel are still captains of the Club, even though that hasn’t really been that important thus far and they are broken up and stuff.

And that’s what you missed on

GLEE*

Artie knew that when he rolled into the auditorium that something was wrong. For one, Tina sitting alone, staring off into the distance was an odd sight. He was pretty sure that unless he was waving his hands 6 inches from her face, Tina wasn’t going to see him. Another odd thing was that even though he should be rolling towards her as fast as humanly possible to see what was wrong and how he could help, he didn’t feel the need to. He felt calm, freaky calm, almost like he knew what was about to happen and knew there was no way around it. And this, scared the hell out of him

One way to find out, “Hey girl. Where you’ve been, first period is about to start. You know how strict Ms. Smith is about being on time.”

She gave a deep sigh. Artie knew something big was about to go down, but he was scared to find out what. 

“If this is about your Doctor Who DVDs, I swear I’ll give them back. I’m just about to watch the second part of the season 3 three-part finale, and I wanna see what happens with the Master.”

Tina sighed again, “Artie…”

“If it means so much to you, I can give the DVDs back today. My brother said that when he got back from college, he would give me all his old Doctor Who DVDs anyway. You know what, I’ll go home to get them, and you could have them back before Glee today. So, I’m just going to go and-”

“Artie, stop.” And he did. Whatever was happening, he needed to confront it.

“What up, girl.”

“We need to talk.”

Ah, the dreaded words that every man with a girl hated to hear. Those words were almost as bad as ‘it's not you, it's me’ or ‘we could still be friends.’ Those words should make him want to curl up and die, except-

“Ya, I’ve been wanting to talk with you too.”

“Let’s just say it at the same time then, and maybe it won’t be as bad if we do it that way?” She sounded scared. 

“Okay then, on a count of one…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

“I think we should talk to Ms. Pillsbury about our relationship.”/ “I think we should break up.” 

That stunned both of them. He had thought that she wanted to break up. Hell, he didn’t know that he wanted to break up. But the more he thought about it…

“Artie, you want to break up? I know we’ve been arguing more lately, but I thought you loved me.”

“I do! But-” It was his turn to sigh. “I’ve been noticing the arguing too. Not only that, I’ve noticed what we usually fight about. A lot of the time it’s about me not doing stuff that I should have done or not remembering things I should have remembered. Then you end up complaining and telling me that I should have done it, and we end up continuing down this cycle. We’ve become the stereotypical man-woman couple where the man is a forgetful idiot, the woman constantly nags him, man complains that woman is constantly nagging him, they make up, and the cycle continues.”

“But Artie, we aren’t tropes. We aren’t a tv show’s depiction of how relationships are supposed to be. We’re people, who make our own decisions, who could decide to try and make this work.”  
“We could,” Artie confirmed. “But should we. Tina Cohen-Chang you are my best friend, and I never want that to change. Do you really think we should push a relationship with each other that hasn’t been working just because of... because we love each other? Do you wanna risk our friendship for something that might blow up in our face.”

Tina was quiet for a minute after that. Artie really hoped that he didn’t say something that would cause her to hate him. Artie really couldn’t picture a world where he and Tina weren’t friends. They had always had each other; ever since first grade when she had shared her fruit snacks with him because Azimio had taken the cookies that Artie’s mom had made him. 

“No,” she said in a really soft voice, the kind of voice that said she was about to start crying. Hell, he was on the verge of tears too. “I don’t wanna risk us. I just wish there was a way to change this. I wish we were perfect for each other, isn’t this what you’re supposed to do: be with your best friend?”

They sat on the stage for a little longer, before she kissed him. Slightly surprised, he kissed back. It was sorta perfect there, one last kiss. After it was over, he was really confused when Tina started laughing.

“Uh, are you-”

She had a slightly hysterical tone, “I’m fine, it’s just… I’m always in the background, the forgotten one. Now, something happened to me that should be so drama endorsing, a breakup between two of the original glee club members. We should be the top topic of the week, something that would cause people to take sides and cause smaller fights to ensue. Except, it was a mutual break up where we’re still friends. We didn’t even sing a breakup song.”

She kept laughing, and despite himself, he was too. Of course, they would be the ones who would have a civil breakup with no drama. Except…

“It doesn’t have to be that way you know.”

“What?”

He could kill two birds with one stone: give Tina the full glee club drama treatment she wanted and cement that they were just as good of friends as they have always been. All he needed was some acting abilities and a good breakup song.

\-----------------------

*GLEE*

\---------------------

“Stay away from Kurt.”

Sam sighed. Crap, he thought he could avoid Blaine until he was with more people. That way, this conversation would never erupt. It worked so far. He shouldn’t have spent so much time at his locker; he just couldn’t find his new edition of Spider-Man. Time for plan B.

“I have no idea what you mean.” 

“Don’t play dumb with me Evens. It seems a little too coincidental that you’ve known Kurt for months, led him on, push him away, and now only come out as soon as he finally finds someone else. Or would you like me to play dumb well?”

Double crap, okay so maybe he didn’t choose the best way or time to come out. But in all honesty, Kurt had nothing to do with the reason he came out… Okay maybe a little bit, but really just a small reason…

“I still have no idea what you mean. I didn’t come out for anyone but myself, timing completely coincidental.” 

Maybe Kurt was like half the reason he came out, but he really just wanted to be honest with his friends. He was sick of hiding.

“That’s a load of-”

Saved by the bell, Sam had never been happier to have English.

“Well, lovely chat. We must never do this again, and I have to go talk about Atticus Finch.”

Sam bolted towards class, leaving Blaine alone at his locker.

\----------------------

Tina’s heart was racing, and she had never been happier to appear angry. Artie’s plan was brilliant, just create the most violent, inappropriate breakup ever. They were both planning on being as insensitive as possible. Every stereotype that could be used against them would. The only rule was that neither of them could deny anything. 

Glee was starting as it usually did, although with Tina sitting in the back corner with Mike instead of up front with Mercedes, Kurt, and Artie. She glanced at her phone and saw her cue, go time. 

“Oh my god, I can not believe you, Artie Abrams! Only you would stoop that low.”

That got everyone's attention.

“Well, it’s not my fault that you are such an ungrateful slut!”

Now everyone was stunned, it wasn’t every day that you saw two of the calmest members full on try and murder each other.

“Ungrateful?!? That’s how you describe someone who stood at your piggish, sexist side for years. You stupid mother-”

“Woah guys, I think it’s time to cool-” 

They both shouted at the same time, “Stay out of this, Mr. Schue!” She was slightly impressed with how in sync they were.

They were both at the front of the class now, as everyone watched a possible homicide. 

“You know what, I’ve had enough of this crap!”

“Oh, ya and just what do you wanna do about it, bitch?!?”

“I think this says it all.” She then directs her voice to the band and channeling her inner Rachel Berry: “Hit it!”

The drums start, and she sings: “Your love is like a tidal wave, spinning over my head/ Drownin' me in your promises, better left unsaid/ You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy/ The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be”

From the looks on everyone’s faces, she might as well be naked. They had never seen her this angry and they look like they never want to see it again. 

Artie starts in on his song and sings: “Cause the love that you gave that we made/ Wasn't able to make it enough for you/ To be open wide, no/ And every time you speak his name/ Does he know how you told me/ You'd hold me until you died/ 'Til you died, but you're still alive/ And I'm here, to remind you/ Of the mess you left when you went away/ It's not fair, to deny me/ Of the cross I bear that you gave to me/You, you, you oughta know” 

It was tricky mixing the two songs, but they somehow managed, keeping most of the instrumentals and beat from Heartbreaker. It just felt angstier. 

Tina starts into her own chorus and verse: “You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker/ Don't you mess around with me/ You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker/ Don't you mess around, no, no, no/ Your love has set my soul on fire, burnin' out of control/ You taught me the ways of desire, now it's takin' its toll/ You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy, The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be” 

Before she knows it, they get to the part where they switch songs with Artie singing and he circles her in his chair. 

“You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker/ Don't you mess around with me/ You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker/Don't you mess around with me/ You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker/ Don't you mess around with me/ You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker/ Heartbreaker”

At the same time she started to sing:

“And I'm here, to remind you/ Of the mess you left when you went away/ It's not fair, to deny me/ Of the cross I bear that you gave to me/ You, you, you oughta know/ Why I'm here, to remind you/ Of the mess you left when you went away/ It's not fair, to deny me/ Of the cross I bear that you gave to me/ You, you, you oughta know”

Everyone might be dead after the heartbreak they just portrayed, they all had eyes wide and all attention was on them. Channeling her inner Berry, she spun and stormed out the door, with Artie storming out the one on the opposite side of the choir room. 

They met in the hall, and high fived. This week would be very interesting. 

\--------------------

“What the hell is happening with Wheels and Asian?”

“They’re about the last person I expected to have drama.”

“When did Tina get so angry?”

While everyone scrambled to get any sense of clarity of what was going on, Mercedes looked at Kurt. If anyone was going to decode this drama it was them.

They had a silent conversation and decided that they needed to get away from the confusion in the choir room. She grabbed his arm and they both slyly excited into the hallway. She needed answers, and she needed them now. 

“Any idea why Artina went turbo?” Mercedes had no time for any confusion of what they were talking about. 

Kurt apparently, had all the time in the world to focus on the wrong thing. “I thought they were Tartie?”

“Yes Kurt, that is the important thing right now.”

“Fine, fine, just clarifying. Has Artie done anything particularly stupid that you know of? I’m assuming that it was Artie’s fault given Tina was the one to blow up first.”

“It had to be something that happened this weekend, right? Because they were fine last week and I was hanging out with Tina on Friday and she wasn’t ranting to me or anything.”

“Now that I think about it, I saw Artie Sunday getting sheet music. I asked him the normal find-out-all-the-drama questions and everything seemed really normal. Like too normal to result in that kinda reaction. Now that I think about it, he said he was going to hang out with Mike and Puck when he left. That gives no time for a huge dramatic breakup cause.”

“You’re not implying…?”

“Of course not…”

“Right! Because that would imply that-”

“Our friends trying to play everyone, which-”

“Is completely ridiculous. Tina and Artie are the calmest, least drama filled people we know.”

“Right! Although, with our friends that’s a really low bar.”

“Agreed.”

 

They looked at each other, clearly both of them thinking the same thing. Just in case, Mercedes was going to vocalize it. 

“Just to be clear, I’m talking to Tina and you’re talking to Artie. We both tell them we know.”

“Oh definitely.”

“Just checking.”

The bell rang, so she linked arms with her best friend. 

“C’mon let’s go before Ms. Smith breaks our necks for being late.”

She laughed hard when Kurt groaned loudly at that.

\---------------------

“Finn Hudson, we have to do something!” 

Being Rachel’s friend was pretty much the same thing as being her boyfriend, except now he got yelled at more and she wasn’t required to think about his feelings when making him do things. That, and they kissed less. He missed kissing.

“Finn, we can’t let everything fall apart just because we are no longer together.”

“Rach, I don’t understand how everything is going to fall apart. It’s not like Artie or Tina is going to quit the club. Wait, do you think they are going to quite the club.” That would suck, then they wouldn’t have 12 people to compete. 

“No! There are always ramifications to drama, especially drama coming from a rare source.”

“Huh?”

“Ugh, okay how do I explain this? Some sources of drama are really common, such as Puckerman, Quinn, and you last year. Everyone expected drama. But, some of us have so little drama that we work as the glue of the club-”

“Are you employing that you don’t have drama and make that drama known?”

“Implying.”

“Whatever, don’t avoid the question.”

“Fine, I would fall in the common pile, but it is the only time that I will willingly admit that I am common at anything.”

“Wow.”

“Anyway, sometimes people have so little drama that we use them to anchor the rest of us. That way we don’t all fall apart whenever the commons have the smallest bit of drama.”

“Haha, you just called yourself a common.”

Rachel blushed, she was cute when she blushed. “Focus, Hudson.”

“Right: commons equal a lot of drama, and anchors equal little drama.” 

“Yes, anyway. When the anchors have explosive drama like this, the commons will try to act as temporary anchors but this never works.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” she sighed dramatically in a way that always made him feel like an idiot. “When people who are prone to drama try to anchor a situation, it is like adding gasoline on to an already enormous fire. They only add drama to the situation, they use the situation as a catalysis for their own small grudges. The situation always becomes twenty times worse.”

 

“But, wait. If we are commons or whatever, won’t we also make the situation worse.”

Rachel smiled a beaming smile. The one that always said I-am-exceptional-and-you-are-too-by-association. He loved that smile, it caused him to start to half-smile. 

“I told you I was more than a common, I am the exception to every rule. We are the captains, that means that everyone else trusts us to bring the force of god if needed. Trust me, we were chosen.”

He muttered, “I’m pretty sure we were chosen because no one wanted to do it.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Finn smiled. He didn’t care if he didn’t really know what they were supposed to be doing. He didn’t care if he thought they were not going to do much good. Rachel wanted his help, that’s all that mattered. 

\-------------------

“So, Artie. What’s going on between you two lovebirds?”

For some reason, Artie had never thought that he would have to talk gossip with the guys at lunch. Mike, Puck, and Finn were sitting around the small lunch table. Gossip between the girls and Kurt, he’d prepared for. Gossip between the guys somehow seemed weird. They would either be very very hard-

“Did she cheat or did you? We wouldn’t judge.”

-Or very easy.

“She cheated on me with my brother, something about needing a real man and it being nothing personal. She said that she still wanted to date me, just needed something on the side, I guess.” He was really playing the depressed angle, of Hollywood ever decides to hire disabled actors: he was golden.

They stared for a while before Puck spoke up, only to get interrupted by Mike.

“So, your penis actually doesn’t-“

“Are you sure? That really doesn’t sound like Tina.” 

“Ask her yourself?” He referenced over towards Tina who was sitting between the unholy trinity and Rachel. As he did that, under the table he told Tina what the story was so far. 

\---------------------

“Wait, he-“ 

“He cheated on me with a bunch of girls in an Asian whore house, because and I quote: ‘they all look the same anyway’.”

She may have taken it too far, but it was all good fun and games. 

“That is deplorable, how on earth could he think that?!?” 

“Why don’t you go ask him, yourself?” As Tina sicked Rachel on Artie, she texted him underneath the table to let him know the current story. 

\------------------------

Blaine really liked Kurt. He loves the way his boyfriend got really excited about gossip. He loves the way his boyfriend gets really passionate about issues he cares about. He loves the way his boyfriend cares, so deeply about his friends. He loves the way his boyfriend's butt looks in skinny jeans. 

“Hey, baby.” Blaine looks up to see his amazing boyfriend smiling, moving in to kiss him. The kiss lasts for a couple seconds. 

Yes, Blaine really likes Kurt.

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

 

He just really doesn’t like all his boyfriend’s choices of friends. 

“Hey Sam, I was just about to ask Blaine what he thought about the Tartie drama.”

Please go away, Sam. Blaine hated Sam, everything Sam did seemed to be to try and steal Kurt away. Blaine wasn’t going to be the petty-jealous boyfriend that said his boyfriend couldn’t hang out with other guys, but why this guy. 

“Sounds cool, I just heard at lunch that Tina cheated on Artie with his brother. All because apparently his dick doesn’t work.”

Blaine honestly knew nothing about the situation, besides what happened in the choir room. However, he was originally going to agree with whatever Kurt said passively. Now, he was going to be on Tina’s side until the end of time. So he’s a little petty, sue him.

He glanced at the text he had gotten from Brittany. 

“Well, I’ve heard that Artie cheated on Tina with an entire whore house. Plus, his justification was so racist that he’d might as well be a football player.”

Blaine saw Sam glaring at him, this would end in blood. Why not know?

“So, neither of you guys think either of their reasoning was suspicious… Interesting.”

Later, Blaine would wonder what Kurt meant by that. For now, he was just trying to hold himself back from smacking Sam with his textbook. He really was a humanitarian. 

“Hey, babe. I’ve got to meet with my math teacher this period, but save me a seat in Glee?”

“Of course, right up front. That way you will either get a front row seat to a bloodsport or a really boring lesson that will have nothing to do with what we are doing for regionals.”

Blaine smiled, he loves when Kurt is bitchy. As he turns towards class, he sees Sam and Kurt walking down the hallway together. 

He really, really hates Sam Evans.

\---------------------

“I know.”

“That Artie cheated on me, or that I cheated on Artie?”

“Tina, I know”

Tina opened her mouth to say something, before realizing she was unable to make words work. Mercedes took it from there.

“Why lie? Are you and Artie even really broken up or was this just a play for attention?”

Crap, now she had to explain somehow why she created this, really not as well thought out as it should’ve, lie. Lying was easier than the truth.

“Me and Artie broke up because it just felt like we were always fighting over small things. I wanted something more than just always being nervous about the state of our relationship.”

“So, you broke up with him?”

“Uh… Let’s say mutual breakup.”

 

“It was his idea.”

“No! I mean, yes. I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

“But, you wanted this.”

Tina got quiet, stupid words failing her. If she was being honest, she had wanted to try and work things out with Ms. Pillsbury. She wanted to try to see if they could find a way to work better with each other. She wanted to try and preserve the relationship, not because she thought a high school relationship was worth that much, but because she thought her and Artie’s friendship was worth more. 

“Tina?”

“I’m killing two birds with one stone. I get to finally see what it feels like to be on this side of the drama and I get to see if we’ll still make good friends. It’s a win-win.”

“Is that what all this is really about? You thinking that you and Artie can’t be friends anymore?”

“I can’t lose a friendship I’ve had since first grade over a relationship that lasted less than a year.”

“Girl, that boy still loves you. Maybe not in the sexy, girlfriend way, but in the way that actually matters. Plus, boy can be sexist as hell. You can do better.”

“Really?”

 

Mercedes reaches over and gives Tina a hug.

“I promise. It’s just like last year when you told me I could do better than Kurt.”

Tina laughs. “Slightly different scenario.”

“Only slightly.” Mercedes laughs too, and they walk down the hallway together. 

\--------------------

“We have to do something!”

“I know, how could Tina cheat on Artie? Especially with his brother, I mean if you had cheated on me, while we were dating, with Kurt-”

“Really, that’s the takeaway from this situation. I would have thought it would have been, how could Artie cheat on Tina with a whole house of women. Especially considering his argumentative reasoning was highly problematic.”

“Really, you’re on Tina’s side? Even after she cheated on him due to his,” Finn pointed to his junk, “you know, not working.”

“While I’m sure that was terrible, and I do believe it was terrible, what happened to Tina was objectively worse!”

“How the hell-!”

“Finn, we will discuss this later. Right now, I have to leave!” 

“Fine!”

 

“Fine!”

\--------------------

“So, Tina’s definitely in the wrong the wrong here.”

“Oh totally, but if anybody asks we’re pro-Tina.”

“It makes us look better if we side with the girls on issues.”  
“Okie Dokie, let’s go do something fun!”

\-------------------

“Can’t really fault the girl for doing something, abstinence would make the Puckerman go insane.”

“But we’re siding with Artie, right?”

“Yah, yah. Bro-code and all that.”

\------------------

“I know what you did.”

 

Artie has no idea what Kurt is talking about, but by the tone of his voice, it’s something pretty big.

“Is this about us accidentally stealing some of your face masks, because Finn said it was okay as long as you didn’t find out.”

Kurt muttered something barely audible, something along the lines of ‘I’m going to kill him’.

“No, I mean that you’re faking the thing with Tina. We will come back to that face mask thing though, I need to know how many people I need to destroy.”

Artie legitimately gulped there, Kurt was straight up scary sometimes. Looking at the sweeter Kurt was currently wearing, the phrase ‘straight up’ didn’t seem appropriate anymore. 

Wait.

“How do you know about that? Did Tina tell you?” No, she wouldn’t have. But nobody else knew, so how’d Kurt find out. 

“Mercedes and I figured it out, nobody had to tell us. She hung out with Tina on Friday and I saw you on Sunday, right before you went to hang out with the ‘guys’.”

Kurt’s air quotes around the word ‘guys’ made Artie feel like they should probably have invited Kurt. When he's not all confrontational, Kurt was actually pretty cool. 

“So,” Kurt said in a peppy way that sounded incredibly sarcastic. “Unless you guys had some huge cheating scandal on Monday before Glee, I’m calling BS.”

“Alright! So we made the whole thing up, what are you going to do, tell everyone?”

Kurt really looked like he was enjoying this now. I guess it’s true what they say about drama queens and sadists. 

“Just riddle me this: why? I doubt it was just for the attention or else you guys would have actually made up a compatible story that didn’t make you look racist or her look like a horny bitch.” 

Maybe this is why they didn’t invite Kurt to guy hangouts, he had an annoying habit of calling everybody out on bullshit.

Kurt raised his eyebrow higher when Artie didn’t initially respond. 

“I just… I just wanted to guarantee our friendship would be intact.”

Apparently not the answer Kurt was expecting, Artie was motioned to continue. 

“I-I didn’t want us to be the type of people who say, ‘let’s be friends’ and never talk again or have things be eternally awkward. All this was supposed to show that we could still do fun things together, that maybe things would just be like before we were dating and before my crush on her made things awkward.”

Artie sighed and rolled himself against a wall. It didn’t have quite the effect it would have had his legs worked, but it gave off the right effect and Kurt sat down next to him. 

“Things can’t go back to the way things were. You’ve had a thing for Tina since seventh grade, and she’s had a thing for you since eighth. We weren’t even friends back then and I knew that. If things back to the way they were, it would forever be awkward. You guys would be in a forever state of will they-won’t they, which would suck. You guys need just to need to decide how to move on and for the love of all things fashionable, please tell the Glee club this is fake.”

“Why? Has everyone gone insane or something?”

Kurt looked him straight in the guys before saying deadpan, “you have no idea what you started. Everyone picked a side. Tina’s side is being led by Blaine who, for some reason that he isn’t telling me, is taking this really personally. Your side is being led by Sam, don’t ask me why, who is also taking this really personally. I’m afraid that they’ll just rip each other's clothes off and either fight or have sex in the middle of the choir room.”

The idea of a full-on Glee war didn’t sound appealing, although from the looks of Kurt the threat was very real. 

Suddenly, the hall was filled with the sound of a piano. 

“It has started.”

\------------------

Sam was really angry. At Tina, for cheating. At Artie, who was being a pig. At himself, for caring enough to be the leader of Team Artie. At Kurt, for making him care. But, mainly at Blaine.

Blaine was the one who made all this personal. Blaine was the one who couldn’t believe that Sam had just come out for himself. Blaine was the one who couldn’t let Sam just suffer over his crush on Kurt in peace. It was all Blaine’s fault.

Sam was really angry. 

\-------------------

Blaine genuinely believes that this Glee club will drive him insane. Truly. 

First, he gets himself so deeply involved with a scandal he couldn’t care less about. Second, he becomes the leader of one of the sides in the scandal. Lastly, he uses said scandal to fuel his growing resentment of one Sam Evans. 

The same Sam Evans who is his boyfriend’s best guy friends, maybe overall best friends say for Mercedes Jones. And the guy who is 100 percent after one Mr. Kurt Hummel. 

Yes, the Glee club may have driven him slightly insane. 

\---------------------

“GIrl, you have to tell the Glee club what’s up. Chaos is about to ensue.”

As Mercedes said that, Tina heard the sounds of piano, guitar, and singing from a distance. 

Sam: You suck my blood like a leech  
Blaine: You break the law and you breach  
Sam: Screw my brain till it hurts  
Both: You've taken all my money - and you want more  
Blaine: Misguided old mule  
Sam: With your pigheaded rules  
Both: With your narrow-minded cronies who are fools of the first division

“Oh, no. They’re singing Queen!”

Tina needed to find Artie. She ran through the hallways like a madwoman. All the while, the song continued. 

Both: Death on two legs/ You're tearing me apart/ Death on two legs/ You never had a heart of your own  
Both with Glee Chorus: Kill joy, Bad guy/ Big talking, Small fry  
Both: You're just an old barrow boy/ Have you found a new toy to replace me  
Both with Glee Chorus: Can you face me  
Both: But now you can kiss my ass goodbye  
Both with Glee Chorus: Feel good, are you satisfied?  
Sam: Do you feel like... suicide? (I think you should)  
Blaine: Is your conscience all right?  
Both: Does it plague you at night?/ Do you feel good? (Chorus: Feel good)

Finally she found him, speeding down towards her faster than she thought he could go. They both started talking at the same time but she got the gist of what was going to happen. Together, they would tell the club, face repercussions, and then laugh about it in 20 years. 

The exact way she was hoping it would go. 

Blaine: Insane, should be put inside  
Sam: You're a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride  
Blaine Should be made unemployed  
Both: Then make yourself null and void/ Make me feel good, I feel good

Right, time to go before the club was ripped apart. 

They walked into the classroom and a full-on catfight was taking place. Brittana was killing Puckerman. Finn and Rachel looked as if at one point they were trying to work together but were now just screaming. Quinn had at some point gotten a baseball bat. Poor Mike was crying underneath the piano. 

Blaine and Sam were having a brutal and bloody fistfight in the center of it all. 

This had all been taken just a tad to far and where the hell was the adult supervision at this school.

Tina stood up on a chair and did her best dog whistle. After three times, it got all their attention. 

“Guys, we have an announcement: our breakup was mutual. This has all been a lie.”

She got off the chair and once again stood by Artie, who took the rest of the explanation.

“We made all of this up to make sure our friendship was still good, and I think it’s better than ever.”

Artie smiled at her for the first time all week, it made this whole experience worth it. 

“Yeah, we all good.”

Tina believes that they would have been shell-shocked in that position if Mercedes and Kurt hadn’t chosen that moment to walk through the doors all nonchalantly, arms interlocked.

Kurt was the one to break the silence said, “Did we miss anything good or was it just mooshy moment talk?” 

“More to the point, did we miss anyone screw each other out of anger and if so did anyone get it on tape?” 

For the first time, everyone seemed to see the absurdity of the situation and just sort of awkwardly left the classroom one at a time. 

Tina could have sworn she heard Finn say, as he passed Kurt, “Thanks for never sleeping with Rachel.” Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw the most confused and disgusted face on Kurt. 

Once they were the only ones in the classroom, Tina asked the question she’d wanted to ask since Monday. 

“S-so, no regrets?”

Moment of truth. 

“Just that nobody will ever believe that my penis works from now on. We should have thought of better stories.”

She giggled and he smiled. 

“At least you won’t forever be known as the serial sex addict.”

“That would be a killer reputation for me to have, much better than the racist asshole who can’t tell the difference between one Asian girl to the next.” 

“Killer reputation? Really?”

Yah, they were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Songs:  
> Heartbreaker-Pat Benatar/You Oughta Know-Alanis Morissette (Artie and Tina)  
> Death of Two Legs-Queen (Led by Blaine and Sam with a Chorus of the Rest of the Glee Club minus Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and Kurt)


End file.
